Our 1st Christmas

Our 1st Christmas as a married couple, and our first Christmas as a family. I woke up Christmas morning overjoyed. I looked over at my daughter and my husband, and cried. I woke Wade up and thanked him for being just the best husband, and the best father. Together we cried, and thanked God for how He has blessed us. Things have been hard for us this year, but they have also been so great. We have so much wealth in the things that are eternal, the things that give TRUE joy. I was so thankful all day, and feeling really emotional ( hello hormones!), and I just took every moment in. We had our own special time as our little family Christmas morning, and then we headed over to my sisters house. My dad had made pancakes, the boys were playing with all he presents Santa brought them and we were all enjoying the time. The night before we had so much fun opening presents. Financial strain has hit my whole family right now, and so our presents were small. You would think this would make things a little depressing, but it didn't. We were all so grateful for what we had, and happy to have each other.

Even if this year had been a year of great financial wealth, I don't think anything would have compared to the gift of baby Jesus to the world, and the gift of baby Capri this year.

This is one Christmas our little new family will remember forever.

Reflections

My computer charger has died, and so I haven't been able to post anything.  I apologize for the lack of updates.  It seems funny that I can post during labor and not afterwards.  Well I am writing this from a borrowed computer (thanks mom!), and a new charger is on its way.  

This week has been wonderful.  I feel like my adjustment and transition to these things has gone well.  I think I expected it to be much harder these first days then it has.  However, I did have a twinge of fear as my mom (who is staying with us) went out shopping tonight and left me alone with Capri for the first time.  Wade got home a few hours later, and I was totally fine, but I was a little panicked for a moment.  

Capri is the just the most precious thing I've ever seen.  It's really easy to know when she is hungry because she does this really funny thing that Wade calls "snarling" and if I can get a picture of it, I will totally post it!  She turns her head one way or another and gives a "snarl" I guess looking for the boob, but its really cute.  

She is always sleeping with her eyes open and giving big smiles (while asleep!).  Last night I rolled over in bed (she sleeps with us, its the best thing ever) and it was really dark, but I could see her with her eyes open smiling at me and she was totally asleep, it made me laugh. 

She loves her daddy's voice, and he is the only one that can calm her down sometimes.  She is a great little nurser and I think its because she has a big mouth like her mommy.  She hasn't quite figured out what to do with herself when she is awake and she seems to get anxious and upset, and so we have discovered a swing (thanks Arianne!) and that seems to keep her occupied and happy. I can't wait until I am feeling better and able to get stuff done around the house, because then I can put her in the sling, and I am sure she will love it! 

She went on her first outing on Tuesday, all the way down the street to my sister's house for small group!  She did great and it was really great to get out of the house.  We will venture out again for church, and maybe tomorrow for some shopping.  

I am also experiencing all of the hormonal changes, and some nights I am just a little sad and I can't figure out why.  My in-laws sent Christmas presents to us, and in one of those hormonal moments, I decided that it would make me feel a lot better to open up some presents.  To all the family in AZ reading this- Sorry!  Sorry we didn't wait until Christmas.  I was feeling bad about it later, but it really did make me happy in that moment!  I thought "hey, I deserve this!", so we had a little Christmas morning.  My favorite gift?  A rockin' new coat from my sister in law and her family.  I'm really excited to get out of the house to wear it!  

Well, I hope to get some more pictures up soon, it might wait until I can get on my computer, but we will see.  

Merry Christmas!

 

Love

I just can't believe she's mine. Just falling more in love every day....

Birth Story

What does it feel like to experience a miracle? Amazing.

I think that so many people are quick to talk about all the things that went wrong in their labor/deliveries, and not quick enough to talk about all the miracles and wonderful things that happened. I've only been a mother for a short time now, but let me tell you...its really cool.

I'll start from where I left off in my last post. I continued to have mild contractions throughout the day until around 10 PM. Wade and I had taken two long walks around the neighborhood to get things going, and oh boy, did they! My midwife soon arrived and I went straight for the labor tub. Laura (my midwife) recommended not checking my progress since my water had broken so soon, so that we wouldn't take the chance of infection.

For the next 6-7 hours my contractions progressed and things got really intense. I can actually say that I understand those women that say that their labor and birth was an enjoyable experience. It was definitely the hardest and most painful thing I've ever done. However, it was amazing. I was at home with Wade, my mom, my sister, my Doula and my midwife. The lights were dim, I had relaxation music on and candles lit. Every contraction I had Wade in the tub with me pushing my hips together (because of the back labor). I leaned over the side, my mom held my hands, my sister coached me, and my Doula helped me focus my energy and breathing. Let me tell you... I was in a zone! I've never experienced that level of surrender. It was a beautiful experience to see what my body could do, and what my mind could do.

My contractions had progressed to the point where we thought I was in transition about ready to push. My contractions were 2 minutes long and about a minute apart and REALLY intense. Laura decided to check my status and we figured out that Capri had turned face up and I was only dilated 2 centimeters! I was having the type of contractions that you have when you are ready to push the baby out, but I had barely even dilated! After that, I got out of the tub, Laura gave me a shot to help me sleep (everyone took a break). However, I couldn't get a break or sleep because of the intensity of the contractions. I labored all morning until around 10AM I started to talk with Laura about what my options were because I knew I didn't have anything left. With the support of Wade and all the ladies we decided it was best to go to the hospital. Laura said, "You either need to be resting or progressing", and since I wasn't doing either we decided to go in for the help that I couldn't get at home (AKA the drugs!).

At this point, I was really upset. I felt like I was going to be giving up everything I wanted, and I was going to have to defend everything I didn't want, and I was going to have to fight them on everything. I was SO afraid of the hospital and what that might mean for Capri and I. We ended up going to Porter county hospital, found an awesome Nurse-Midwife and had such a great experience. The hardest part of my labor was the time I left my home until I got the epidural. I had to be in the car, get to the hospital (and to labor/delivery) and fill out paperwork, sign wavers and get changed, all while having the worst pain of my life! I had no coping skills since all my labor had been all set up, focused and in water. The Midwife at the hospital told me that the epidural might not reach the back labor pain I was having (comforting right?) However, God is awesome, and the drug was awesome, and I finally got some relief. We had a little scare soon after I received the epidural because my blood pressure crashed, I threw up and felt like I was going to pass out (even though I was laying down). They gave me some blood pressure medicine and I was okay. I was praising God that Wade had stepped out of the room for some food when it all happened because he would of been so worried. It got a little scary for a moment there with nurses running around, and machine alarms going off, but it was soon over, and I was feeling much better.

I was able to sleep and get a ton of rest. I was able to enjoy some time with Wade and my girls and talk about how amazing the labor had been at home, and they all shared what an experience it was for them. We had some great moments as the petocin kept me progressing and the epidural kept me pain free. We had some Christmas carolers come by. I asked them to sing "a child is born today" even though I didn't even know if that was a song! They sang away in a manger as Steph and Arianne made fun of them (discreetly, of course). We played Capri's song called "Capri" by Colbie Colaitt and all of us sat in silence and just took in the "moment". Then we all laughed as Arianne came out of the bathroom AFTER the song had ended, and really sad that she had missed the "moment".

Things soon progressed and I started pushing. It was really hard at first because I really couldn't feel anything. I was trying to feel when a contraction was happening (so I could push with it), but I was also trying to actually push with muscles I couldn't feel! I got the hang of it, and it was so incredible. As I was pushing her out she started turning to "take the path of least resistance" and everyone could see her little head turning like a corkscrew as she was slowly pushed out.

The moment when a baby arrives is like no other. The emotion and energy in the room is high that everyone is crying and you really do feel like you are witnessing a miracle. I had the privilege of being at my nephews birth and it is so beautiful. Wade caught her and they pulled her up on my chest. She was so upset and beautiful, and we had such a sweet moment. We were three...we were a family...oh my gosh!

We left the hospital the next afternoon and welcomed her into her home! Wade and I have loved every minute with her so far, and can't wait to get to know her.

Thank you for all your love, support and prayers. They were felt all week long. Praise Jesus for the absolute miracle He created. I will do my best to keep taking pictures and posting them.

Well, Merry Christmas everyone! We got the best present ever this year!

XOXO

INTRODUCING...

CAPRI PEARL BEAUCHAMP

\

Born December 13, 2007
12:16 AM
8 lbs 5oz
21.5 inches long

Reporting live from the battlefield!

You know how their are those political bloggers that give live posts from "inside enemy lines" or at a live event. Well, this is my version of that, and its my own labor! I find it really funny to be doing this, and so that is why I am. I don't know how long this will continue, but at least you guys will get some updates.

After a nice relaxing morning, I went to see my midwife this afternoon. It was about an hour drive, and on the way over I started having really mild contractions. After I arrived, she hooked me up to a fetal monitor and took a bunch of time listening to Capri. The baby is doing really well and her heart rate and everything is great. She didn't check my cervix since my water broke (I am high risk for infection since my water broke), so she was trying to warn me to get some rest, eat some food because the baby might come tonight, or it might come in a few days. On the way home my contractions started to slow down a bit (they were irregular and anywhere from 3-7 minutes apart), and they slowed down to about 8 or 9 minutes and got a little more intense. We made it home safely, and I am doing some natural remedies to get labor moving, and I hope to see some action tonight.

Please pray for our little family, link my blog so others can pray, and ask friends and family too! I really appreciate it, and I love you all.

Oh, and if I can... you will see more updates!

Love you all

My Water Just Broke

Ok, so you know last night when I said "maybe this is the calm before the storm?" Well, I guess so. I felt great last night but when I went to sleep I tossed and turned all night, and I couldn't sleep. I stayed in bed but didn't get much sleep. I woke up at 7 this morning and shortly after that, I was in my bathroom washing my hands and I felt some liquid. I thought "did I just pee and didn't know it?" Then I turn towards the potty and more comes out, and I have been leaking ever since! Now, I am so confused. I thought that your water broke when you were further along in labor, and I haven't had any contractions since I woke up and I actually feel better now (like last night) then I have in days!

So, I could go into labor today, or I could give birth in the next few days according to my midwife
Well, I am excited and looking forward to seeing my daughter! Today is my grandma's birthday, happy birthday Grandma!

I am off to go back to bed and try to get plenty of rest before stuff starts to happen.
Please pray for safe labor and delivery as well as safe weather so that all of those that are traveling (midwife, assistant, doula) can arrive safely.

Love you lots!

Home Sweet Home

Friends and family have been asking me to post some pictures of our new place. My super husband did a great job of cleaning up last night and so I thought this was a good time to take those pictures.

I am so joyful tonight. It's the first night in about a week that I haven't
felt completely awful (notice my LACK of blogging?) I was feeling like this baby HAD to come any night with how awful I felt. Tonight might be the calm before the storm, but I am enjoying it. My sister told me today to enjoy these last whatever and be at peace with the fact that I don't have any responsibilities, no one grabbing for my boobs (well), and I can leave the house whenever I want. So, I am taking her advice and blogging, enjoying my new home, enjoying my lack of labor signs and taking it all in. It really is a TRULY odd time waiting to give birth. My life is about to change in the biggest way ever, bigger then getting married, bigger then moving, bigger then anything I've ever done. I'm just waiting for this change to happen. What other thing in life is like that? You KNOW there is going to be a big change, and yet you have no idea and no control over WHEN. Well, I am grateful and joyful tonight and I hope you all can find some joy in the little things too.

Oh, ya know what else was super cool tonight? My mom bought us stockings. Why are stockings so special? I don't know but when I got them I felt like "oh my gosh, we are a REAL family!" We are official now! It is really adorable to see them hanging there, and it just made me so happy to be where I am at (NWI, and our new home), so happy to be married to the best man ever, and so happy to be seeing my daughter any time now!?

I will post the rest of the house pictures on a slide show for you all to check out, enjoy!
Oh, and there are no pictures of Capri's room because there is a big birth tub and birth supplies everywhere, so I will post pictures of that room after she is born!

Happy Holidays!

1st of December

Today was a beautiful, relaxing day.
It started snowing and I thought that it would be like it has been (snowing but not sticking), and so I admired the beauty of the snowfall but went on with what I was doing. THEN about 15 minutes later I look outside and there is a BLANKET of snow all over! I was shocked! I felt as if I had never seen snow in my life. I was so excited. I snapped these two photos-one of our porch, and one out the window of our street, not such great ones but you can get the idea! It continued to snow more all afternoon leaving a beautiful white coat. Wade and I learned we don't have a scraper and we weren't prepared at all to get our car our of the snow. We will keep learning! I'm sure this is not THAT big of a deal to all the NWI peeps, but all my peeps on the West side-this is cool, right? It was beautiful, and I was praising God for His beauty and wonder.
Oh, and I have a great Veggie Towel story! The girls and I went to a women's day at church and we


all bought these veggie towels some lady made. They were really cute, and we decided to take some photos with them. We laughed way too hard trying to be silly. In this one we tried to act "surprised" like someone just called our name and we were turning around to say "what?". Except Jen took "surprise" to mean "scared!"
Oh, and watch out for Arianne because she will cut you like butta! :)

It was great fun!
Here is a closeup of my eggplant Veggie towel! SO CUTE!

38 weeks and counting

Here is a picture of me from tonight, I just wanted to share with all the distant family and friends the massiveness of my belly!

I have hit the point that all women that have children say "Oh, you poor thing, it will be over with soon." When I started to get that response I really wasn't "there" yet. However, let me just say... I get it, I really get it! I'm not sleeping, I can't breath and getting up to get a glass of water (ok, actually just ice :)) makes me completely winded and ready to pass out.

As I reflect back on my pregnancy I feel really blessed. Every midwife appointment I had I was reassured with great news of, "everything is perfect, she's doing great, and you are doing great." For a first time mom it is just the start of the fear that you have of whether or not you are doing everything right, whether or not you are a good mom. Other then the 6 months of nausea (which was so horrible, and I hope to forget that time so I am not afraid to have any more children), my pregnancy has been healthy and blessed.

I had the honor of being present at my sister's two oldest sons birth. One was in a hospital, and one was at home in a tub. After seeing the difference between the two, I knew that I wanted to give birth at home. THEN, I got pregnant on my honeymoon unexpectedly and was thrown into a massive amount of self-doubt. (Wait! Am I crazy? Do I really want to do this?) I went through a bunch of emotions but after meeting with a midwife Wade and I knew where God was leading us, and that was a homebirth.

Even after making the decision I had some doubts, and honestly had SO much to learn. Today, I am confident, and excited and I could not imagine my birth in any other place but my home, and in water!

The reality is that the standard for birth should be that all women give birth at home, and then the small amount of high-risk pregnancies, or the little ones that decide to come early-should be born in a hospital. The hospital is designed for people with medical conditions. Giving birth is the most natural thing for a woman. The miracle of it all is amazing as you learn what a woman's body was created to do.
The truth is, more women would be giving birth at home if our society didn't create such a fear mentality for women. It makes sense... women have a fear of being "bad mothers" and so people play into that fear with things like "I'm worried about this, so you need a c-section", "The baby is a little big, so just to be safe I would feel much better if we induced labor." The reason why so many women think that they NEED to be in a hospital is because of all the people that tell them "just in case". However, when you actually do your research you discover that there are very few emergencies that you would have to go to the hospital, and all can be detected at prenatal visits BEFORE your due date.

If there is anything wrong, then of course you go to the hospital. The problem is, that if you start there it is like they find ways to intervene. You are breach you need a c-section. Your labor is not progressing fast enough, you need to be induced and then you will need a c-section. All of these things they consider "emergencies" are not emergencies at all! Every woman is different, every labor and birth is different.

My husband and I are excited to be able to make our own informed decisions during labor. I am excited to welcome our baby girl into the most peaceful environment without people grabbing at her, taking her away from me, or rubbing painful things in her eyes! We can recover as a family together in our own bed and not have to deal with doctors telling me "what worries them" just for their own convenience (long labor? What? I want to go home! You want me to catch the baby while you squat? But then where will I sit?).

I encourage everyone out there to take a look, do some research so that the next time you, or someone you know gets pregnant, you are informed.

One of the best resources out there right now, that is turning into a movement is a movie called The Business of Being Born. It is a movie produced by Ricki Lake. She had a bad experience at a hospital and was interested in doing a documentary on the state of birth in the U.S. She discovered some crazy statistics (Did you know that the U.S. spends twice as much on births then anyone else in the world, but yet we have the second highest mortality rate in the developed world?)
Go to the website: www.thebusinessofbeingborn.com You can find information on release dates, viewings in your area and watch the trailor here
You can also check out this other bloggers review with a more in depth description here

Thanks for listening to my rants, and I hope that it will challenge the ideas you have about birth. I can't wait to see this beautiful baby, and I can't wait to post and tell you about my "birth story".

Lots of love to you all.

Just about anything

This is one of those posts where I really wanted to write, I really want to reflect, I just can't think of anything to write about. So I thought, maybe as a creative writing exercise I would just start writing and see what came out. Here it goes:

-I miss my husband right now, I am feeling a bit lonely, but yet too tired to be social, I just want him. (He's at work)

-Giving birth is the ONLY thing I think about right now, it consumes most of my thoughts throughout the day. I'm excited, anxious, ready and I just can't wait!

-This Christmas is going to be really hard for Wade and I because we love to give gifts, and we just have no money this year. Are closest family and friends will be getting the same thing.. can't say what it is, but its not much. I am really looking forward to the year when we can really shower people with beautiful things, that will be so much fun!

Alright, I am not really getting very far with this exercise but I can tell you about some posts I look forward to doing soon:

-Pictures of our new place for all the friends and family that can't see it! We are certainly settling in, and loving it.

- A talk about homebirth, I would love to share with everyone how I came to my decision and the reasons why I think its the the best way to give my daughter the best start at life!

- A talk about Arbonne, and my plans for my business. I want to share with you my passion, what gets me excited and what I believe is my purpose.

Okay, well hopefully future posts will have something more to chew on!

Bye for now!

Our First Tree

Our first Christmas tree as a married couple, its a little bare but we have years to add ornaments, right? I'm so excited!

PEARL

My mom and my sister threw me the best shower ever! I am feeling so grateful to have already met so many wonderful people in such a short time of living here. Friends are so hard to come by and to have so many people that I've only recently met love on me and my baby was incredible.

Capri's middle name is PEARL and so they themed the party with everything pearly white. We even had marshmellows and white chocolate covered pretzels! The food was awesome, we had some yummy scones, dip, fresh fruit and the best cupcakes on the block!

Here is a picture of my pretty "tablescape" (thanks for the word Sis!)



This photo is me opening a special gift from my mom. She gave me a blanket that was made by my great grandma Pearl (Capri's name came from her), and she made it originally for my big sister. I sat and wondered last night if she even knew that the blanket she was making would one day be for her great-great grand-daughter.



There was a really funny moment where Stacy and Steph tried to take a picture of my mom and me. What they didn't know is that I am a blinker, and my mom is the worst blinker of all. I think 15 pictures later of BOTH of them trying we might have gotten ONE. We are so hopeless, we tried every trick... looking past the camera, closing our eyes until they said "3!", looking surprised, not thinking about it, not counting to "catch us off guard", but none of it worked! Here is one that shows me laughing as my mom tries my trick of looking very intense right when they say 3!



Here is one of all the ladies:
From Left to Right:
Brandi, Stacy
Jen, and baby Jonah, Aunt Sherry, Gabrielle
Devena, My mom (Debbie), Danielle and me
Steph, my sis, Janelle and Ashlee



I just want everyone to know how special this time was, and how thankful I am! I felt so loved and I am so happy that I get to learn and grow from all these wonderful women. Capri is so blessed to come into such a warm environment!

Love you all!

Beautiful Days

Thanksgiving was really special this year. I have so many things to be thankful for this year. It was my first Thanksgiving with my husband (since we have been married), we have our own place, a healthy baby on the way and family so close.

We have extended family that lives out this way that we have never shared a holiday with since we used to live out on the west coast. It was so great to be together with them, and enjoy the holiday with family we never usually see.

We had great food, and to top it off... snow!

The White Man, The Green Man

Last night, Wade and I got home from small group, my mom came over and cut my hair (yes, my parents are in town, its awesome!) and after she left Wade and I found ourselves having one of those awesome nights where we get to really talk and connect.

More then the "How was your day?", or the "I love you." as we walk by, but we actually got to really talk.

It started out as a conversation about his mood that day. I had noticed that he wasn't quite himself. After asking him all day about how he was feeling he finally gave me a satisfying answer which was "reflective". I could relate to this answer. It's like the part of your brain that tells you what to feel was on pause and you were trying to figure it out on your own. It wasn't a state of sadness or great joy, just a pause while you figured it out.

What the conversation evolved into was so profound, so soul revealing. He talked about his struggle between the life he has, the man that he is operating from, and the life he knows he is meant to live, and the man he knows God created him to be.

I challenged him on the thought and this is how it played out (you can tell by my example that I play with kids all day :)). I said, it's like all your life you have been programmed to believe that you are this green guy. You have never seen a mirror and you never knew that your skin was actually white. All your life you operated like a green person would. You believed that you were inadequate, a failure and and not good at anything. You believed you had no skills, and although you didn't like this life, you really didn't have any way of changing it. It was what it was, you were green.

Then one day someone said, "Hey buddy, let me help you out and show you something". They gave you a mirror and showed you, that in fact you were not green, you were actually white. This white man was confident, successful, loving, incredibly skilled and talented. We talked about how this person that revealed yourself to you was God. When you saw that you were white it shook your core so hard. "How could this be?" You had lived your whole life believing a lie, a false reality. And maybe even the tougher question was "What do I do now?"

It seems easy to think that you would just change and start acting like a white man would act and not like a green man. But you soon discover how incredibly hard this is. Maybe being green sucks, and its not who you are, but its all you know. Its comfortable, easy and makes sense to you. You know to be green, you have mastered it. Even though you aren't green, it feels like "you".

The thought of starting all over from the beginning is overwhelming. It is so strange to think that it would be so hard, and so scary to be who you really were. When you tried to be white, you were a beginner at it, it didn't feel right and you often missed the mark or failed. However when you accomplished what you were trying to do, being the real you, and not the green you, you felt more alive then ever before.

Some days you almost wish that the friend that revealed yourself to you never had. Sometimes you wish you could go back to not knowing the truth. Even though you weren't happy, at least life was easy. Now you can't go back, you can't pretend you don't know. You know.

The challenge now is, what do you do each day to learn how to be you? To let go of the false reality that isn't you? To operate from the man or woman you really are.

The truth is that you do it through Jesus. You continue to seek Him, and the more you do, the more He teaches you about yourself. His Word becomes your mirror, and He begins to speak to you and teach you about this person you never knew: yourself. When you are seeking Him, His voice becomes louder than all the other voices telling you that you are still the green man. His voice becomes so loud that each day you know him more, you know yourself more and it becomes harder and harder to imagine living any other way but the way you were created to live and be.

Soon this life you were living that you didn't feel was your own disappears. Your dreams, your desires, your passions start connecting to your reality. You start creating a life, THE life you were meant to live.

You are forever grateful to your Friend that saved you.

The truth is, that I was challenging my husband but I knew I was also challenging myself. It's actually something everyone can relate to. I believe everyone struggles with living like the green man, and discovering who they truly are in Christ.

How are you going to live today? Go look in the mirror.

Okay, I came across this picture today for this new ad campaign and it totally cracked me up.  Ever since I got pregnant Wade (A.K.A. my husband and dad to be) has joked with me that I just have a "beer belly" and I'm not really pregnant.  

I'm not really sure what message they are trying to display here, but I thought the picture fit so well with our little running joke.  

I also like to think I look like her.

You know the baby is coming soon when...

You sneeze a little sneeze and realize you no longer have control of your bladder.  

How nice.

What to expect

Well I have read recently (or maybe someone just told me) that in the next 5 years EVERYONE will have a blog, and if you don't, you will be some kind of weirdo like the people that STILL don't have a cell phone or know what the internet is.  

In my world, I already was the wierdo.  I come from a family of bloggers, and not just a little blog that they kinda do every once in awhile but ones they are completely passionate about.  Like my brother John has a political blog www.infidelsarecool.com, and then my sister who has a personal blog www.tothinkistocreate.com. My other brother has an amazing spiritual blog where he shelves out deep wisdom at http://theprayerstop.wordpress.com. Then there are all the nice friends that I am meeting out in NWI.  They all have blogs!  So, after getting one not-so-subtle hint after another about starting my own blog I have finally given in.  

Why was I so reluctant to start one?  Well, I was totally feeling inadequate.  My sister has this amazing wit, charm and coolness.  My brother has passion, purpose, education like he is a man on a mission, my other brother has passion, purpose and wisdom and what do I have?  I don't know!  I realized that I will figure that out as we go.  

So what should you expect?  Just something personal.  I will probably end up talking about what God is doing in my life, and take some time out to share how I feel on things like natural living, leadership, purpose and love.  

At least I will fit in, right?  :)  

Well, wish me luck because I have finally started a blog!  (yah baby!)