Wednesday, November 21, 2007

The White Man, The Green Man

Last night, Wade and I got home from small group, my mom came over and cut my hair (yes, my parents are in town, its awesome!) and after she left Wade and I found ourselves having one of those awesome nights where we get to really talk and connect.

More then the "How was your day?", or the "I love you." as we walk by, but we actually got to really talk.

It started out as a conversation about his mood that day. I had noticed that he wasn't quite himself. After asking him all day about how he was feeling he finally gave me a satisfying answer which was "reflective". I could relate to this answer. It's like the part of your brain that tells you what to feel was on pause and you were trying to figure it out on your own. It wasn't a state of sadness or great joy, just a pause while you figured it out.

What the conversation evolved into was so profound, so soul revealing. He talked about his struggle between the life he has, the man that he is operating from, and the life he knows he is meant to live, and the man he knows God created him to be.

I challenged him on the thought and this is how it played out (you can tell by my example that I play with kids all day :)). I said, it's like all your life you have been programmed to believe that you are this green guy. You have never seen a mirror and you never knew that your skin was actually white. All your life you operated like a green person would. You believed that you were inadequate, a failure and and not good at anything. You believed you had no skills, and although you didn't like this life, you really didn't have any way of changing it. It was what it was, you were green.

Then one day someone said, "Hey buddy, let me help you out and show you something". They gave you a mirror and showed you, that in fact you were not green, you were actually white. This white man was confident, successful, loving, incredibly skilled and talented. We talked about how this person that revealed yourself to you was God. When you saw that you were white it shook your core so hard. "How could this be?" You had lived your whole life believing a lie, a false reality. And maybe even the tougher question was "What do I do now?"

It seems easy to think that you would just change and start acting like a white man would act and not like a green man. But you soon discover how incredibly hard this is. Maybe being green sucks, and its not who you are, but its all you know. Its comfortable, easy and makes sense to you. You know to be green, you have mastered it. Even though you aren't green, it feels like "you".

The thought of starting all over from the beginning is overwhelming. It is so strange to think that it would be so hard, and so scary to be who you really were. When you tried to be white, you were a beginner at it, it didn't feel right and you often missed the mark or failed. However when you accomplished what you were trying to do, being the real you, and not the green you, you felt more alive then ever before.

Some days you almost wish that the friend that revealed yourself to you never had. Sometimes you wish you could go back to not knowing the truth. Even though you weren't happy, at least life was easy. Now you can't go back, you can't pretend you don't know. You know.

The challenge now is, what do you do each day to learn how to be you? To let go of the false reality that isn't you? To operate from the man or woman you really are.

The truth is that you do it through Jesus. You continue to seek Him, and the more you do, the more He teaches you about yourself. His Word becomes your mirror, and He begins to speak to you and teach you about this person you never knew: yourself. When you are seeking Him, His voice becomes louder than all the other voices telling you that you are still the green man. His voice becomes so loud that each day you know him more, you know yourself more and it becomes harder and harder to imagine living any other way but the way you were created to live and be.

Soon this life you were living that you didn't feel was your own disappears. Your dreams, your desires, your passions start connecting to your reality. You start creating a life, THE life you were meant to live.

You are forever grateful to your Friend that saved you.

The truth is, that I was challenging my husband but I knew I was also challenging myself. It's actually something everyone can relate to. I believe everyone struggles with living like the green man, and discovering who they truly are in Christ.

How are you going to live today? Go look in the mirror.


To Think is to Create said...

So true! Great analogy.

Ding ding ding! I think we have another writer in the family...

Shooly said...

Great post, Carrington. The analogy you use is something that almost every man/woman can use in their own lives.

Arianne's right, too. Your writing really pulled me in. I wish I could write that well. I really enjoyed reading it.

Keep it coming, your blog is off to a great start.

Dad said...

Your writing today, is profound, lovely and true. You're a wonderful writer, and you should save your blogs to publish someday.


Mommy Instincts said...

Oh Carrington. I love how your mind works. Reading this is just one more reason why I love you so much (i know it sounds silly, but you are really becoming one of the greatest people I have ever met). You truly are so very wise. I am so happy to have met you and I look forward to more interesting and thought provoking posts from you and conversations with you.