Thursday, February 28, 2008

Marriage Wisdom Part 1

I was reading over HERE today and Mindy had such a great post on Marriage, that I decided to talk about it. You can find the post HERE, and I highly recommend it!

As my husband and I are coming up on our one year anniversary (3/17/08), I have begun to reflect on all the things that I have learned. My hubby and I dated for six years before we got married, and so I felt that I knew him pretty well, but this past year I have learned lessons so much deeper then I did in the past.

One of the biggest lessons I have learned is how careful I have to be with my words. My words should be used to encourage, edify and lift him up. I learned how easy it is break his spirit, even in jest. I learned the HUGE responsibility I have with my words when it comes to the way I talk to my husband.

Some things that I have learned through my relationship, through my marriage, and from other women (mainly my grandmother, mother and sister) are:

  • Always put your husband first. I heard this so much, and especially right before Capri was born. I thought to myself "Of course, of course, I get it". But NOW I understand why they took so much time to tell me-its hard. The urgent things in life tend to always come before the important things in life right? Well, with a baby, there is always something urgent to be done, and so its easy to let the important time with your husband slip away. It's all about managing those urgent things, and working around them. It takes a whole lot of intention and a little creativity, but its IMPORTANT. I've learned this lesson in a big way lately.
  • Never put down your husband to others, even "in good fun". When Wade and I are with friends, I am sure to never tease him, or put him down in any way. I never "correct" him, belittle him, or laugh at him. If others are out of jest, I don't join in. I choose to show respect to him and lift him up to others.
  • This also extends to talking poorly about him to my mom/sister/friend ect... when we get in a fight. I would warn against running to these women when you fight with your husband. You may be able to move on, get over it, and forgive but they don't get the benefit of the make up, and its harder for them to let go of the way he acted in that moment. They also will remember the things you say about him in that moment, and it is very dangerous. I've learned to take my problems to the Lord, and journal. IF there was ever a serious problem, I would turn to a pastor or counselor. Always lift your husband up to other people.
  • Be interested in HIS activities. My husband does plenty of things I really don't care about, but I choose to engage and care. Wade loves football, so I found a way to enjoy it with him, listen to him ramble about this game, that trade, this player, and it shows him so much love. I used to just sit and watch a game with him and read a magazine or book, and not engage, and this was sort of point less. He really wanted to share his excitement with his best friend-me. So take time to learn about what he enjoys, and take time to share it with him.
  • Spend quality time listening. Not just asking "how was your day?", but going beyond that to ask him about his struggles, fears and dreams. Connect with him on his passions and disappointments. This will make him feel valued, loved and important.
  • Encourage. It's really easy to think, "of course he knows how I feel, he knows that I appreciate him." However, your husband needs this affirmation daily, and the more affirmation he gets, the more confident he feels about himself. He will feel empowered, inspired and appreciated. What a HUGE gift we can give in such a small way. Notice the little things he does, and tell him that you notice, and you love him.
  • Believe in him. This is a choice. I've learned, that even if he has let me down in the past, I have to forgive and let those things go, and choose to trust and believe in my husband. If I don't, he will only live up to my expectation. If I EXPECT him to let me down, then he will. If I EXPECT him to succeed, then he will. My belief in him is monumental, and as his wife, and his lover, I have a huge responsibility to tell him that I know he can do it, and I believe in him. It's like the prince that can only slay the dragon if the princess believes he can.
  • Be intentional with intimacy. Plan time for love makin'! This is especially crucial when you have children (so I have learned). It doesn't really just "happen" any more. It takes planning, and its easy to let a bunch of time go by because of it. Plan out nights and times so that you both can be prepared spiritual, emotionally and physically. Make this an absolute priority, and think of it as VITAL to the health of your marriage.
  • My husband desires to give me everything, he really does. It is my responsibility to not burden him with all my "want". I sometimes don't even realize how much I affect him when I'm talking and saying "Oh I reaaaallly want an IPHONE" or some "bedroom furniture", or those "cute boots". I thought nothing of my continuing wish list until I saw what it was doing to him. He began stressed and burdened to get me all of these things, trying to figure out solutions to make more money, work harder, and when he couldn't he felt absolutely worthless as a provider. How horrible right? He provides all my NEEDS, like a home, food ect... and yet feels inadequate because he can't get me the IPHONE. I don't NEED the IPHONE, and I don't need to be making my husband feel inadequate as provider just to get one. I guess you would say he is easily to manipulate in this situation, and it gives me a whole lot of responsibility. I'm not saying that you should never ask for stuff, but just be careful, be extremely careful.
  • Never go to bed angry. Why does EVERYONE tell you this? Because it is SO important. The fight either gets SO much worse, or you tend to let things go when they really need to be resolved, just leaving it for another fight which will end up EVEN BIGGER. Even if you have to stay up all night to work it out... do it. It's worth it.
  • Communicate from a responsible vs. victim mentality. Instead of starting out by saying "YOU made me feel so horrible" "If YOU didn't do this then I would not have gotten mad". Take responsibility for your own emotions, no one can MAKE you feel anything, YOU CHOOSE your response. Instead let him know that it hurts you, or you feel betrayed, dishonored, ignored, hurt ect....when this happens. By choosing not to play the victim role you hubby will not feel the need to be defensive and you can both work towards a solution.


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Wednesday, February 27, 2008


*So, I think I am going to get Chelsea's haircut with Jordan's bangs, sound good? yah, I think so.

These two gorgeous women are my best friends. We met when we were 12 and have been close ever since. I am blessed to have the kind of friends that I believe only come along once in a lifetime if you are lucky. Some people find them more often, some people never find one, and well, I am blessed with these two. From the last 10 years we have only lived in the same city for about 4 maybe 5 of those years, and yet we are as close as sisters.
I believe the reason we have stayed so close is because of the foundation we built when we were young, and that foundation was deeply rooted in our faith, and the fact that we all became women of Christ together soon after we met. We learned together, and through our student ministry at church, we challenged and grew together. No matter what is going on in our lives, we share this. As different as the three of us are, we have all gone down similar paths! All of us got married this past year (our 21st year of life). Jordan (the hottie on the left) got married two weeks before me, and Chelsea (the hottie on the right) got married later in the year. It was SOME year of showers, parties, and tons of fun (we were all IN each others weddings of course) and I topped it off with a baby at the end of the year! I am ahead of the two of them in that department, but I am sure that they will be doing the same thing in a few years.

Jordan is the kind of friend that I KNOW will always listen, and always care. She is the friend I've always went to when I wanted to hear "It's gunna be okay, sweetie". She is more beautiful than she knows, and wise beyond her years. We used to talk all night about our dreams of growing up and getting married (while Chelsea slept ;)) It's awesome to be apart of those dreams come true now in each others lives. Her relationship is Christ is awesome, and I hope to know the Lord in the way that she does. She is disciplined, and intentional with the way she lives her life and she has taught me more then she knows. Interesting enough, we are always closer the further apart we are. During the months before we got married, we were room mates, and I actually felt so far away from her! I move to Northwest Indiana (from AZ), and we are closer then ever! So weird!

Chelsea has loved me more then any other friend in my life. She is the friend that always fights for me, and our friendship. She is deeply loving, affectionate, thoughtful, and forgiving. She is so much fun, and I could spend every second with her and never get sick of her. She is smarter, and more beautiful then she knows and I look up to her in so many ways. She takes care of me, and leads me in the right direction. I know I can get good advice from her, and I know more then anything that she is always there for me, and would do ANYTHING for me.

I look forward to many more years with them as we grow together as wives. I can't wait to watch them become mothers and grow with them as mothers. For right now, I told them that I want Capri to be the "token" baby among us for right now... they aren't allowed any for a little bit, thats the rule!

I haven't seen them in almost 5 months and soon they will meet Capri, and I just can't wait! I hope that one day she has friends as special as them!

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Whats new

My bloggy friend Beth, who is fabulous, smart, witty and adorable, whom I had the pleasure of meeting a few weekends ago- is going through a devastating loss. Please pray for them, that they will have supernatural strength to survive right now.

We have been adjusting a bit to Wade's new work. He is working the night shift from 12PM-8AM. It's not the worst schedule because we get to see him in the evenings, but it has been a transition for sure. He has also been required to work a bunch of overtime, with no time off. It's a blessing to us financially because the Lord knew we needed this money, but it is a major sacrifice on his part. I am so proud of him for working so hard, and so long and he comes home joyful, and excited to see Capri and I. His desire to provide and take care of his family is a beautiful thing to see. He is an amazing husband, and I just hope that we are able to adjust to this new schedule soon so we can find some time for the two of us! I miss him a bunch because he has been working so much and I have been SO sick this past week and a half that he hasn't been able to talk to me, or touch me.

The Lord is providing for us in a big way with this job right now, and we are so grateful but we are constantly looking ahead at our future, and wondering what God's plans are. We aren't satisfied with living paycheck to paycheck and barely getting by. We aren't satisfied with a mundane existence. The leap from the mundane to our dreams seems to be getting more and more difficult. We know we can't live this way forever, but it has been really difficult to make that next step, but I think we are getting there.

I've started back at my job and other then getting sick for a week, things are going great. Capri is finally adjusting I think to being at my sisters house. I think she is also finally starting to get over the Colic, praise the Lord.

Even though being sick is horrible, it gave me the opportunity to spend the whole week in bed, with her, falling more and more in love and getting tons of cuddles. How is it possible to love a child THIS much? I think about blogging about my love for her, but then I realize that I would never be satisfied with anything I communicated because I feel it simply can't be communicated, it just can't. I don't think anyone (other then my husband) can understand how much I love Capri, and why I love all the little things she does. She has my heart for sure, and brings me so much joy every day. Two days ago... she giggled for the first time! Oh my gosh, a giggle from her is just the most precious sound.

We are really looking forward to our trip to Arizona in a few weeks. We will be going down to our parents house in Mexico for a few days at the beach (jealous? huh? huh?). I look outside at all the snow and freezing temps and just day dream about being on that beach! We look forward to spending time with family and friends and introducing Capri to many of our loved ones for the first time!

Project Runway season finale is coming up, and I am so excited... will you be watching??

Oh, and as soon as I get a chance I will be adding a blog roll to my page so you can all check out some of the other bloggers I read, and have fallen in love with! So check back soon!

Have an awesome day!


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Tuesday, February 19, 2008

10 weeks

I realized tonight after posting the last post that... um, people actually read my blog to catch up on Miss Capri, not to learn of my reflections!
So here is a video of her from tonight. I tried to capture some talking, but I think she was too distracted by the camera, she just smiled away.

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It's been a long time...

I got an email from my best friend Jordan today...this is what it said.....
"Ok, it's been over 2 weeks and you haven't updated your blog. Get on it!"

Here is an explanation to my absence all in one sentence ready? Go! Sick, working, busy, cleaning, really fussy baby, valentines day, and SICK AGAIN!

So, as death comes over me right now (I have severe aches all over, congestion, sore throat, migraine, ewe, and it all started last night when I got home)... I will write a post, even if it kills me dangit!

Through the last two weeks, I have dreamt about amazing cool things to blog about, and I really did come up with some good ones. But, for these fantastic things to happen I have to have some sort of energy, including emotional energy, and I just don't, so you will have to check back when I am feeling better!

Anyway... this is whats new.....I've been going through a really big reflective time lately. It was sparked by a seminar at church called Discover. It was a whole day and was all about finding your spiritual gifts, personality type, and passions. It revealed a bunch of things I didn't know, and confirmed a lot of things I had always thought about myself. Part of the process is asking three people in your life to fill out this test about you, and its purpose is to affirm your spiritual gifts.
After taking the test, I scored high in a bunch of them... I asked Jen if it was because I was really gifted, or just distracted! She didn't really give me an answer, but thats okay, I ended up just focusing on my three highest: faith, wisdom and encouragement.
The encouragement one was obvious to me, my husband really eats it all up (just kiddin'), but he needs it, and tells me I'm great at it.
The other two, faith and wisdom were awesome to be affirmed for me.
I confess that there are things that I often feel I have wisdom on, things that I am passionate about, and I never share them, or talk about them. I think it is because I take it so personal when someone doesn't understand, when they don't get it, it hurts me. It seems so obvious to me, and yet they don't receive it, and I doubt myself because I feel like, how is it that I can be so certain and yet, I am the only one that gets it? I resorted to the fact of keeping this wisdom and faith in, and not sharing it. I thought "fine, who cares, I'll just keep it to myself". I realized though, that God didn't gift me for ME, He gifted me to edify the body of Christ, and to bring Him glory. I hadn't been a good steward of the gifts He has given me, and it was time to be confident and start sharing. Confidence... that was the largest change that came from that day. I had a talk with God and vowed to not hide behind a desire of wanting to be liked, but that I would be bold and confident and speak the truth He has revealed to me.

I've been so thankful that I have a place where I can share this stuff with you on my blog. So... you can expect a more confident me... with some powerfully wise and faithful posts!

Oh, and you know what my second highest gift was? Hospitality! Whoa dude, didn't even know I had this! I guess I was never old enough to have a nice place where I could "entertain", but the more I thought about it... this was totally me, its not just about my home, but I love making people feel "at home" with me, wherever we are!

Well, that is all I can muster up for now, but I promise to be back soon!

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Monday, February 4, 2008

Baby legs

Capri said to me tonight (yes she talks to me...mmm...k) "Mommy, you have only lived in this cold weather a little bit, but I have lived in it my whole life.. so let me teach you a trick... slippers keep your feet warm and should be worn at all time" (She started screaming at the end of her statement :)) So... I found her little bunny slippers, and she fell in love.

(Aren't her legs so tiny and cute??)
This was the smile I got after those little footsies were all warm.....

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Sunday, February 3, 2008

Super Bowl

This was such a great game, I actually really enjoyed it. What a beautiful victory for Eli Manning, brother to my favorite fello' Peyton. I am so happy for them.

Are the tabloids going to bash Brady because Gisele was in attendance like they did with Romo and Jessica?


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The Big BANG Theory

My mother in law gave me a lovely gift certificate to a very fancy salon and spa as a "push present" after Capri was born. It was originally meant to be for a massage, but I have debated about using it for a haircut with one of their "directors", who are the stylists that have a lot of experience, and charge the most.

I really want a fresh new look, something trendy and hot mama-ish. I have kept pretty basic with my hair for awhile, and I am ready for something really cute. I've been reading around about how bangs are really in right now. I have a long, narrow oval face, and I have read that this is the face shape that can handle the "big bang" or the "heavy bang". I have had the side swept bang for a long time, and only recently grew that out this past year or two.

Here are some pictures of a few different bangs:

These ones look like some I have sported in the past-

These are some other styles-
The Big bang, and since my hair is dark like hers, I am liking this photo.
Heidi rockin' the heavy bang-

One of my favorite shows, One Tree Hill has a character named Haley. She is sportin' a new do too, and I am so in love with it. My hair is thin and straight though, and I don't know if I could get it to look like this. I love not only the bangs, but the whole hair cut and would love this. Maybe it could work? What do you think?

I need help guys! I want to make the appointment and get this change! Please comment with your opinion on this, k?


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Okay, so last night I had the worst Migraine. I never get these kind of things, and I was really hurting. I wasn't quite sure what to do, and I was just so out of it. My mom and my sister get these things all the time, and I quickly remembered there recipe for relief: Excedrin Migraine (extra strength), diet coke and chocolate. Well, I didn't have the diet coke or the chocolate but I had the Excedrin.
Caffeine usually doesn't have much affect on me. I'm not that sensitive to it. So I really didn't think much about takin' two of those little puppies right before bed. Well let me tell you, it totally worked right away and took away the pain, but all of the sudden as I lay in bed with Wade (who is already snoring) and baby (who is already snoring too) WIDE AWAKE. I layed there for awhile but eventually got up. The rest or the night (morning), I would do stuff and then go lay back down and try to sleep. It wasn't just the fact that I couldn't sleep, it was the fact that I had so much energy I could run a marathon. I haven't felt like this since before I was pregnant. I felt like one of those mom's that take their kids A.D.D. medicine (which is basically like cocaine), and they stay up at night getting a million and one things done.

This is how I spent my night (morning):
I cleaned my house, did laundry, organized the baby room, read a book (an entire one), bought hubby a v-day present and "window" shopped online. It was kinda cool because I figured out a way to help my husband get me just the perfect gift for Valentines Day, and our upcoming Anniversary, and anything else he wants to buy me something for. I set up a registry here and I created a "lifestyle" registry. I added a little button to my bookmark bar that says "add to my registry", and went shopping! Whenever I found something that I really like, I add it to my registry. Anything from high priced jewelry, to cute socks! That way, he can "shop" and buy me something that I truly want, but he can actually pick out something for me instead of giving me cash or a gift card (which is what he has done... oh, every occasion). One website I am loving right now is this one because my sister-in-law got me this adorable coat for Christmas, and now I am hooked. They have adorable shoes and accessories, and I spent a lot of time there last night.

Yeah, it was great getting so much done because I had energy, and everyone else was asleep. However, we missed church this morning. Almost EVERY SINGLE Saturday night something happens to sabotage church the next morning. Wade and I face so much adversity and spiritual warfare. I talked to Arianne last week about being committed NO MATTER WHAT to getting there that morning, because otherwise The lion will come and destroy our plans every time.
Ugh... I just hate this.

Well, around 7AM I was finally getting tired but I decided to try and stay awake until church. I thought I had a better chance of making it if I stayed awake. Well around 7:30 I finally crashed and couldn't fight it any more (yah, kinda pathetic, I only lasted 30 minutes, I guess that is what happens when you come off of DRUGS). I then decided to wake up at 9, and keep my alarm set.. and I would just be tired, but darnit, I would make it. Well.... that alarm went off, and I tried to get out of bed but I felt like I had been drugged. Oh gosh, it felt like someone was pushing my body down, and I was trying to push up. Wow, I haven't felt that tired or out of it since I gave birth! It was sort of like that, being drugged and so tired. So, unfortunately we didn't make it to church. Wade was going to go, but I was just too out of it to take care of Capri this morning, and so he needed to be there.

The stinky thing about missing, is that everyone ALWAYS says, "oh you missed the BEST service", "it was so amazing"..... I always miss those

Well, at least my house is clean, and I was able to get up around 11 so I don't think I will have problems getting to sleep tonight. I just have to stay awake through the day now. Next week will be better, I will win this Saturday night victory... I'm determined.

Oh, and lesson learned: DO NOT take Excedrin right before bed....mmmmm k?

* Update...I am now considering taking Excedrin Migraine to keep me awake! Ahh!
* Update #2... Church WAS really awesomely amazing and fantastic...OH COURSE!

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Saturday, February 2, 2008


Congrats to Michelle for winning the giveaway!
Thanks to everyone who entered to win, and played along... this was really fun!
If you were so sad to not win, and would really like some of your own Arbonne, contact me!


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