Thursday, November 29, 2007

38 weeks and counting

Here is a picture of me from tonight, I just wanted to share with all the distant family and friends the massiveness of my belly!

I have hit the point that all women that have children say "Oh, you poor thing, it will be over with soon." When I started to get that response I really wasn't "there" yet. However, let me just say... I get it, I really get it! I'm not sleeping, I can't breath and getting up to get a glass of water (ok, actually just ice :)) makes me completely winded and ready to pass out.

As I reflect back on my pregnancy I feel really blessed. Every midwife appointment I had I was reassured with great news of, "everything is perfect, she's doing great, and you are doing great." For a first time mom it is just the start of the fear that you have of whether or not you are doing everything right, whether or not you are a good mom. Other then the 6 months of nausea (which was so horrible, and I hope to forget that time so I am not afraid to have any more children), my pregnancy has been healthy and blessed.

I had the honor of being present at my sister's two oldest sons birth. One was in a hospital, and one was at home in a tub. After seeing the difference between the two, I knew that I wanted to give birth at home. THEN, I got pregnant on my honeymoon unexpectedly and was thrown into a massive amount of self-doubt. (Wait! Am I crazy? Do I really want to do this?) I went through a bunch of emotions but after meeting with a midwife Wade and I knew where God was leading us, and that was a homebirth.

Even after making the decision I had some doubts, and honestly had SO much to learn. Today, I am confident, and excited and I could not imagine my birth in any other place but my home, and in water!

The reality is that the standard for birth should be that all women give birth at home, and then the small amount of high-risk pregnancies, or the little ones that decide to come early-should be born in a hospital. The hospital is designed for people with medical conditions. Giving birth is the most natural thing for a woman. The miracle of it all is amazing as you learn what a woman's body was created to do.
The truth is, more women would be giving birth at home if our society didn't create such a fear mentality for women. It makes sense... women have a fear of being "bad mothers" and so people play into that fear with things like "I'm worried about this, so you need a c-section", "The baby is a little big, so just to be safe I would feel much better if we induced labor." The reason why so many women think that they NEED to be in a hospital is because of all the people that tell them "just in case". However, when you actually do your research you discover that there are very few emergencies that you would have to go to the hospital, and all can be detected at prenatal visits BEFORE your due date.

If there is anything wrong, then of course you go to the hospital. The problem is, that if you start there it is like they find ways to intervene. You are breach you need a c-section. Your labor is not progressing fast enough, you need to be induced and then you will need a c-section. All of these things they consider "emergencies" are not emergencies at all! Every woman is different, every labor and birth is different.

My husband and I are excited to be able to make our own informed decisions during labor. I am excited to welcome our baby girl into the most peaceful environment without people grabbing at her, taking her away from me, or rubbing painful things in her eyes! We can recover as a family together in our own bed and not have to deal with doctors telling me "what worries them" just for their own convenience (long labor? What? I want to go home! You want me to catch the baby while you squat? But then where will I sit?).

I encourage everyone out there to take a look, do some research so that the next time you, or someone you know gets pregnant, you are informed.

One of the best resources out there right now, that is turning into a movement is a movie called The Business of Being Born. It is a movie produced by Ricki Lake. She had a bad experience at a hospital and was interested in doing a documentary on the state of birth in the U.S. She discovered some crazy statistics (Did you know that the U.S. spends twice as much on births then anyone else in the world, but yet we have the second highest mortality rate in the developed world?)
Go to the website: You can find information on release dates, viewings in your area and watch the trailor here
You can also check out this other bloggers review with a more in depth description here

Thanks for listening to my rants, and I hope that it will challenge the ideas you have about birth. I can't wait to see this beautiful baby, and I can't wait to post and tell you about my "birth story".

Lots of love to you all.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Just about anything

This is one of those posts where I really wanted to write, I really want to reflect, I just can't think of anything to write about. So I thought, maybe as a creative writing exercise I would just start writing and see what came out. Here it goes:

-I miss my husband right now, I am feeling a bit lonely, but yet too tired to be social, I just want him. (He's at work)

-Giving birth is the ONLY thing I think about right now, it consumes most of my thoughts throughout the day. I'm excited, anxious, ready and I just can't wait!

-This Christmas is going to be really hard for Wade and I because we love to give gifts, and we just have no money this year. Are closest family and friends will be getting the same thing.. can't say what it is, but its not much. I am really looking forward to the year when we can really shower people with beautiful things, that will be so much fun!

Alright, I am not really getting very far with this exercise but I can tell you about some posts I look forward to doing soon:

-Pictures of our new place for all the friends and family that can't see it! We are certainly settling in, and loving it.

- A talk about homebirth, I would love to share with everyone how I came to my decision and the reasons why I think its the the best way to give my daughter the best start at life!

- A talk about Arbonne, and my plans for my business. I want to share with you my passion, what gets me excited and what I believe is my purpose.

Okay, well hopefully future posts will have something more to chew on!

Bye for now!

Monday, November 26, 2007

Our First Tree

Our first Christmas tree as a married couple, its a little bare but we have years to add ornaments, right? I'm so excited!


My mom and my sister threw me the best shower ever! I am feeling so grateful to have already met so many wonderful people in such a short time of living here. Friends are so hard to come by and to have so many people that I've only recently met love on me and my baby was incredible.

Capri's middle name is PEARL and so they themed the party with everything pearly white. We even had marshmellows and white chocolate covered pretzels! The food was awesome, we had some yummy scones, dip, fresh fruit and the best cupcakes on the block!

Here is a picture of my pretty "tablescape" (thanks for the word Sis!)

This photo is me opening a special gift from my mom. She gave me a blanket that was made by my great grandma Pearl (Capri's name came from her), and she made it originally for my big sister. I sat and wondered last night if she even knew that the blanket she was making would one day be for her great-great grand-daughter.

There was a really funny moment where Stacy and Steph tried to take a picture of my mom and me. What they didn't know is that I am a blinker, and my mom is the worst blinker of all. I think 15 pictures later of BOTH of them trying we might have gotten ONE. We are so hopeless, we tried every trick... looking past the camera, closing our eyes until they said "3!", looking surprised, not thinking about it, not counting to "catch us off guard", but none of it worked! Here is one that shows me laughing as my mom tries my trick of looking very intense right when they say 3!

Here is one of all the ladies:
From Left to Right:
Brandi, Stacy
Jen, and baby Jonah, Aunt Sherry, Gabrielle
Devena, My mom (Debbie), Danielle and me
Steph, my sis, Janelle and Ashlee

I just want everyone to know how special this time was, and how thankful I am! I felt so loved and I am so happy that I get to learn and grow from all these wonderful women. Capri is so blessed to come into such a warm environment!

Love you all!

Beautiful Days

Thanksgiving was really special this year. I have so many things to be thankful for this year. It was my first Thanksgiving with my husband (since we have been married), we have our own place, a healthy baby on the way and family so close.

We have extended family that lives out this way that we have never shared a holiday with since we used to live out on the west coast. It was so great to be together with them, and enjoy the holiday with family we never usually see.

We had great food, and to top it off... snow!

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

The White Man, The Green Man

Last night, Wade and I got home from small group, my mom came over and cut my hair (yes, my parents are in town, its awesome!) and after she left Wade and I found ourselves having one of those awesome nights where we get to really talk and connect.

More then the "How was your day?", or the "I love you." as we walk by, but we actually got to really talk.

It started out as a conversation about his mood that day. I had noticed that he wasn't quite himself. After asking him all day about how he was feeling he finally gave me a satisfying answer which was "reflective". I could relate to this answer. It's like the part of your brain that tells you what to feel was on pause and you were trying to figure it out on your own. It wasn't a state of sadness or great joy, just a pause while you figured it out.

What the conversation evolved into was so profound, so soul revealing. He talked about his struggle between the life he has, the man that he is operating from, and the life he knows he is meant to live, and the man he knows God created him to be.

I challenged him on the thought and this is how it played out (you can tell by my example that I play with kids all day :)). I said, it's like all your life you have been programmed to believe that you are this green guy. You have never seen a mirror and you never knew that your skin was actually white. All your life you operated like a green person would. You believed that you were inadequate, a failure and and not good at anything. You believed you had no skills, and although you didn't like this life, you really didn't have any way of changing it. It was what it was, you were green.

Then one day someone said, "Hey buddy, let me help you out and show you something". They gave you a mirror and showed you, that in fact you were not green, you were actually white. This white man was confident, successful, loving, incredibly skilled and talented. We talked about how this person that revealed yourself to you was God. When you saw that you were white it shook your core so hard. "How could this be?" You had lived your whole life believing a lie, a false reality. And maybe even the tougher question was "What do I do now?"

It seems easy to think that you would just change and start acting like a white man would act and not like a green man. But you soon discover how incredibly hard this is. Maybe being green sucks, and its not who you are, but its all you know. Its comfortable, easy and makes sense to you. You know to be green, you have mastered it. Even though you aren't green, it feels like "you".

The thought of starting all over from the beginning is overwhelming. It is so strange to think that it would be so hard, and so scary to be who you really were. When you tried to be white, you were a beginner at it, it didn't feel right and you often missed the mark or failed. However when you accomplished what you were trying to do, being the real you, and not the green you, you felt more alive then ever before.

Some days you almost wish that the friend that revealed yourself to you never had. Sometimes you wish you could go back to not knowing the truth. Even though you weren't happy, at least life was easy. Now you can't go back, you can't pretend you don't know. You know.

The challenge now is, what do you do each day to learn how to be you? To let go of the false reality that isn't you? To operate from the man or woman you really are.

The truth is that you do it through Jesus. You continue to seek Him, and the more you do, the more He teaches you about yourself. His Word becomes your mirror, and He begins to speak to you and teach you about this person you never knew: yourself. When you are seeking Him, His voice becomes louder than all the other voices telling you that you are still the green man. His voice becomes so loud that each day you know him more, you know yourself more and it becomes harder and harder to imagine living any other way but the way you were created to live and be.

Soon this life you were living that you didn't feel was your own disappears. Your dreams, your desires, your passions start connecting to your reality. You start creating a life, THE life you were meant to live.

You are forever grateful to your Friend that saved you.

The truth is, that I was challenging my husband but I knew I was also challenging myself. It's actually something everyone can relate to. I believe everyone struggles with living like the green man, and discovering who they truly are in Christ.

How are you going to live today? Go look in the mirror.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Okay, I came across this picture today for this new ad campaign and it totally cracked me up.  Ever since I got pregnant Wade (A.K.A. my husband and dad to be) has joked with me that I just have a "beer belly" and I'm not really pregnant.  
I'm not really sure what message they are trying to display here, but I thought the picture fit so well with our little running joke.  

I also like to think I look like her.

You know the baby is coming soon when...

You sneeze a little sneeze and realize you no longer have control of your bladder.  

How nice.

Saturday, November 17, 2007

What to expect

Well I have read recently (or maybe someone just told me) that in the next 5 years EVERYONE will have a blog, and if you don't, you will be some kind of weirdo like the people that STILL don't have a cell phone or know what the internet is.  

In my world, I already was the wierdo.  I come from a family of bloggers, and not just a little blog that they kinda do every once in awhile but ones they are completely passionate about.  Like my brother John has a political blog, and then my sister who has a personal blog My other brother has an amazing spiritual blog where he shelves out deep wisdom at Then there are all the nice friends that I am meeting out in NWI.  They all have blogs!  So, after getting one not-so-subtle hint after another about starting my own blog I have finally given in.  

Why was I so reluctant to start one?  Well, I was totally feeling inadequate.  My sister has this amazing wit, charm and coolness.  My brother has passion, purpose, education like he is a man on a mission, my other brother has passion, purpose and wisdom and what do I have?  I don't know!  I realized that I will figure that out as we go.  

So what should you expect?  Just something personal.  I will probably end up talking about what God is doing in my life, and take some time out to share how I feel on things like natural living, leadership, purpose and love.  

At least I will fit in, right?  :)  

Well, wish me luck because I have finally started a blog!  (yah baby!)