Sunday, January 13, 2008


Yesterday was such an awesome day, but the whole day I kept thinking, am I having fun?

I was feeling a little better, and up to do something fun for my birthday. Arianne, my mom and I decided we were up for going out, and we thought about going to the mall and then my sister threw in the idea of going shopping in Chicago. I think she mentioned it as a joke, and my mom and I were like "Okay!", and she had to go along with it then!

With all the kiddies being sick, and having a newborn we weren't able to make it out of the house until the late afternoon. Capri had a hard time in the car, falling asleep, waking back up, and falling back asleep. I almost broke my arm shaking the car seat back and forth trying to calm her down.

I am so inexperienced when it comes to all the logistics of traveling with a baby, much less two (Baby Jonah came with as well)! For a new mom, its pretty overwhelming to have to stop, pull over and change diapers, nurse, change outfits, burp, get them into the sling, and get going. By the time we had arrived and left the car to go shopping I said jokingly to my ladies "Are you ready to go home yet?"

It was SO windy outside that it felt like we were climbing our way to H&M, and when I walked in the door it was crazy busy. So many people. It was kinda funny trying to get through the tiny aisles with a big coat on, a diaper bag on my back and all the babies and people walking all around you. Not to mention it was about 100 degrees inside. My mom had Capri, and Arianne was with Jonah and they made their way upstairs to the baby stuff while I attempted to shop fast down stairs.

This was my first time shopping since having Capri and I had NO idea what size I was. I had prepared myself for the size shock, but gimme a break people. REALLY? I've been having lots of conversations with God about surrendering what state my body is in post pregnancy, and I had come to the conclusion to praise God for my body, and thank His creation (my body) for creating a miracle... and blah blah blah. I had come to a great point, I really had. Then I went shopping. How can I go from a 0 or a 2, to an 8 or a 10. REALLY?? So, I went into the dressing room with a 6 in everything, went back and forth with new sizes and it just took forever. I thought, its okay, I am just so thankful I GET to shop, and I am here at one of my favorite stores, and I just had a baby a month ago, I AM OKAY. I had to wipe sweat off under my arms to try on clothes; it was just so hot it was gross. I found a few things and made my way up to my ladies. We found each other and it was this moment where I was so happy to find them and I wanted to fall into their arms and have them just calm my overstimulated mind down. However, as I looked up at them their faces had the same look as mine. They were sweaty, overstimulated, had crying babies and tons of clothes. We found a little bench in a corner of the store and all fell down, took off all our coats, bags, slings, babies and just stopped. It was really funny sitting there. Before I had Capri, I probably would have walked by and made fun of people like us. I felt like those moms that I would walk by at Disneyland that seemed so frazzled with kids everywhere, stuff everywhere and completely exhausted. We stayed there for awhile as we checked out one by one, nursed the babies one by one, and finally made our way out.

The plan was for my mom and sister to go back to the car, dump the bags, and I would go to Forever 21 and meet them back at the car to finish up our shopping at Macy's. Looking back at it, I laugh really hard at that moment when we left H&M. I had given all the bags and babies to the ladies and the wind was blowing SO HARD and they were trying to walk as fast as possible, it was just crazy.

Well, they went back to the car and I went around to find Forever 21. I had looked it up online before we left and knew it was RIGHT THERE. But, I walked all around for a few blocks in every direction and couldn't find it anywhere. It was freezing, the wind was blowing so hard, I was alone and I was thinking, AM I HAVING FUN? Is this how I wanted to spend my Birthday? It was a moment of deep reflection because I was so torn. Here I am in the coolest city in the world, surrounded by beautiful buildings and designer stores. I was with my mom (who leaves on Thursday and I don't know when I will see her again) my sister (one of my best friends) my daughter (I can't believe this angel is mine?!) and zen-baby-love-of-my-life (Jonah). I was healthy, and I had money to do one of my favorite things in life... shop! I was able to go to my favorite stores, and it was my Birthday. HOWEVER... here I am in Chicago with hurricane like FREEZING winds, crying and wining babies, my body temperature has drastically yo-yoed in the last few minutes (going from hotter then hell H&M to frozen tundra Chicago). And I thought, Am I having fun? The answer: yes. After I realized that I was just new to all of this, and a little overstimulated. The truth is that I was with people that mean the world to me. They were there to celebrate my birthday with me, and we were having fun. If it killed me I was going to create the best experience and enjoy everything, even the freezing wind! So, I DECIDED... this was fun.
You know what else helped? I made my way into Macy's and had them check how much was on an old gift card I had... $145 baby! That is like a FORTUNE to me right now, are you kidding me? I had her repeat it three times just to make sure. It was like God's way of blessing me for appreciating the valuable and awesome things in my life.

We ended the lovely night FINDING Forever 21 (which was inside the water tower for all of you people who know Chicago) and having a nice dinner at California Pizza Kitchen.

After resting all day and watching some football today (boo, my colts lost), tonight we had a very special moment at my Sisters houses. My nephews had made my favorite kind of cake (the kind with sprinkles inside it), and made birthday cards, and they sang happy birthday. It was a small, but sweet celebration. I got to blow out some candles and watch smiles on my nephews as they saw MY reaction when eating the cake they had made for me. It was a great birthday, and I had so much fun!


InTheFastLane said...

Babies really do change everything :) But, I bet, in not too long you will be close you your old size again. Especially since it is your first and you are young. It is that 3rd baby that'll get you :)

Shooly said...

Great post, thanks for sharing!

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The Flip Flop Mamma! said...

Wow. What a day! I wouldn't recommend buying a ton of new clothes though...since I'm nursing I keep losing weight! I buy clothes and then in a week they don't fit anymore! You'll drop that weight soo fast!!! I live in Chicago, I know all about the freezing wind! Ugh.

mom on a mission said...

I can see the similarities between you and your sister in the way your reflective. I really enjoy it. Reading what you write is like listening to my own thoughts ten years ago when I started having babies. So many times I looked so forward to leaving the house and it was SO MUCH WORK, I often wondered IS THIS WORTH IT??? Sounds like you're adjusting so well to it all....and it is quite an adjustment :-)

To Think is to Create said...

It was quite a day, and definitely not easy! As I read this, and remember that day, I actually long for it. To do it again. It was awesome, and we made memories I will always cherish.

Erin said...

Wow, I cannot imagine how overwhelming it must have been! I love how you are honest, and open. I really like that about you! I tip my hat to you for all you're doing. First year of marriage and a baby! Phew!