Thursday, April 24, 2008

Intention


I was bouncing up and down, up and down on the exercise ball to get Capri to sleep. I was bored, and frustrated in that moment. There were SO many things I would rather be doing right now. It's so easy for me to become bored and frustrated with all the daily things that MUST get done (like putting baby to sleep multiple times a day).
However, in this moment I decided to talk to God. I confessed my frustrations, surrendered and promised Him I would be quiet, quiet and listen. What did he want to teach me? I waited, I bounced, I listened. I started thinking about intention. Was it possible to live with clear intention in EVERY moment? Every step I took, every thing I did, even every THOUGHT I thought, was of my own choice, my own decision.
I've learned that the sub-conscious mind is very powerful, and most of us, don't actually decide to do about 95% of the stuff we do all day long. We are in this fog, daze, robot mode. We live our lives controlled by belief systems (negative and positive) and habits. If we have an intentional thought it is to "escape". This is why there is so much talk about being "present" in the moment.
I don't know about you guys, but being present is sometimes scary for me. The silence, and rawness that can come from a present moment is a little overwhelming. I find myself thinking about what I *should* be feeling, or thinking or praying. Can you relate to that? If you asked me if I was the kind of person that enjoyed being alone, I would have always answered "yes", but the older I get, the less that is true. Having a little baby I find myself longing for those moments, only to sit there wishing she would wake up so I didn't have to be alone. And don't confuse what I am saying... I am not talking about the depressive, I.want.to.run.away kind of feeling. I'm talking about those moments where life is so REAL so alive, and you are so actively engaged in that moment that the power of it can seem overwhelming.

I believe that this is where God lives. In the present state. He taught me, while I was bouncing on that ball to think about the things that move me closer to Him, and closer to the things that create a happy, healthy, successful, giving, growing me, and CHOOSE to do those things. He taught me to think about the thoughts HE wants me to think about and learn, and meditate on those things. I confessed, and realized that I was already actually meditating on things, they just weren't from him. They went something like this....I'm so tired, exhausted, what will I eat? When am I off work? When will this baby sleep? Ugh, will we ever have more money? I feel ugly today, no ones cares, I'm not worth it, I'm not good enough, what do I look like? I feel so bad today....
They are all the most brief of moments that I don't even catch how negative they are until I reflect on my day, and I see that my thoughts, ended up creating my actions, which ended up being NOTHING that I actually really wanted to do that day.
I learned, that my life could be SO much more powerful if I chose to engage in every moment. To listen to God speaking to me, to listen to what others had to say, and to meditate, read, and allow things into my mind that focused me on the things I really wanted. I want to be the one that decides what each moment of my day will look like. I want it to look like one that is completely surrendered.
So, I ask you guys. How much more powerful can your lives be if you lived in every moment? If you were the one that decided and were intentional about your actions? Instead of the negative belief systems that control us each moment.
Because sometimes, just bouncing on a ball, putting a baby to sleep can turn into a profound moment where God speaks to you a really BIG truth.

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14 comments:

The Flip Flop Mamma! said...

Wow, that post was awesome. You are so wise beyond your years! I need to sit and listen to God more often. We are often so rushed that we brush Him aside. Great job girl!!

To Think is to Create said...

Love this! So well put, and something that everyone needs to hear, be reminded of and think on.

Love that pic, too!

hyperactivelu said...

Hmmm... I agree with Jaymi....wiser beyond your years. I have also come to realize what you wrote about. Thank you for your wonderful post- so well said. Ya know, now that I have two kids and I am able to stay at home, I realize that God talks to SAHM's a lot. I don't know if its because we (moms) are doing the same thing over and over again, or maybe because we're fulfilling His calling- being Mothers and raising children.....but He does meet me a lot during a midnight feeding or while my child is SCREAMING because his tummy hurts or while Bubbie is running around the house. When I think I'm gonna lose it and I don't think I can handle another need or "iwant", He meets me, teaches me and loves me. Maybe He would meet and speak to me while I was working, but I was too busy to listen or realize it was Him. You write such powerful posts! Thanks again!

Lisa said...

This is a great post! I've been thinking a lot about this lately. My girls are getting older (9,11,&13), and as I look at all these pictures of my blogging friends' babies, I wonder how much I missed of my own babies. Being so busy,we had them so close together, and just "surviving." You are very wise, because you choose to listen to God's voice. I'm am learning how to live in the moment, and you are right that it is a scary thing sometimes.

Not Just Any Jen said...

Okay, girl, you've hear d me say "Wise beyond your years" how many time? Seriously, Carrington, how you live your life is such an inspiration to me! these are such important posts, and I love how you always have something so meaningful.

Erin said...

Again, another great post from you Carrington. You are so right. Living in the momeny, and doing things with intentions is so important.

I need to be more intentional at work. THese last 34 days are going to be a challenge! Thanks for the post!

Mimi's Toes said...

Wow, you really touched my heart with this one girl. I am feeling so out of sorts this morning and I really needed this. You are a great writer. Have a wonderful Sunday.

hyperactivelu said...

i tagged you. you can play along if you want!

Kristin said...

Great post! (It's nice to know I'm not the only one who uses the excercise ball to put my babies to sleep, too!)

Come check out my Mothers' Day articles at from-my-life.blogspot.com

Crooked Eyebrow said...

Happy Mother's day Carrington!

The Van Sande Family said...

I was on myspace and saw the link to your blog and clicked on it wanting to see pictures of your little one! I hope things are great for you in the beautiful life you've created.:) Thank you for your blog. I was expecting to see pictures of your bebe (which I did and they're gorgeous!!) but instead found this inspirational writing of yours. Thank you for your insight-you certainly have a way with words. This moved me because I have noticed some negative thinking patterns in my life lately and it's amazing how much a few negative thoughts can affect you. Interesting. I am going to change my world today but casting those thoughts aside and living every moment with a new optimism. Thanks again for your thoughts.

-Brianne Van Sande (formerly Johnson in case you don't remember me!!:)

P.S. Remember our Kindergarden tea parties!? Good times.:) E-mail me anytime at bvansande@ gmail.com-I would love to catch up with you! We have a lot in common-(I am an ENFJ who loves Jesus and her husband too!!:)

Mimi's Toes said...

Happy belated Mother's Day. I looked for you at church yesterday. Hope you had a fabulous day with your Mama...I know you are so exicted to have her near by. I loved meeting her. She has such a contagious laugh...

Erin said...

Carrington,
I hope things are going well for you. I miss hearing about your life on your blog. Take care, and hopefully you will post soon!

Not Just Any Jen said...

Hey, girl! I am tagging you! See my blog.
Jen