Well, I also understand why so many people tell you to wait to get married, and wait to have children and all those things. I have not regretted my choices, because I am so very very blessed. However, it is hard to deal with figuring out who I am as a woman of God, who I am as a friend, a daughter, a sister, and then I went and added the roles of wife and mother to mix it up a bit. What makes adding those roles hard is that it seems easy to define myself by them. In a way, this isn't the wrong thing to do, because I believe they are my greatest roles, and my most important. The trick is figuring out who I am beside those roles... who is Carrington?
I don't know if you guys are like me, but I despise filling out anything that asks the question, "Who are you?" on any of these website profiles. I hate filling in the "about me" sections because when I write "about me" it doesn't ever feel "like me", and I don't know if I am just horrible at communicating who I am, or if I don't identify with the things in my life or where I am at in my life, or if I simply don't know who I am.
I started thinking about all of this when I signed up to have my blog made over by these lovely ladies. I wanted to think about what was "me", so that I could communicate what I wanted for my new design. I have not started the design process yet, but I'm sure it will be hard for me. I feel like I like so many different things, not one would just fit. Can I have a circulating theme that changes with my mood? Like a mood ring for my blog. One day it will say girly, feminine and cute. Another day it will say chic, modern, simple. Another day it will say earthy, creative, natural. Another day it will be quiet, reflective, soft.
I don't feel lost, scared or out of sorts about all of this, just reflective. I'm enjoying getting to know myself, and how I am beautifully and wonderfully made. My hope is that when I figure it out, I can share it, and find the greatness God created within me, so that I can change the world.
About two years ago I attended a personal development seminar I guess you would call it, that was a series of things that went from a weekend, to a week, to a six month process that changed my life. During this process I wrote down my "purpose" statement and I wanted to share it with you all. I believe that even though I am continually figuring out this whole thing, this statement continues to resonate with my heart:
My purpose in life is to create dynamic and extraordinary change in the world around me on behalf of and through Jesus Christ.
6 comments:
I can relate to what you're saying. I too feel blessed to have a best friend husband and beautiful baby, but it is such a struggle to go through these "defining" years along with that--I think for me because I feel any mistakes I make affect all 3 of us, not just me. So everything feels much more urgent and potentially life-impacting. Anyway, it's not always dramatic, but I understand what you mean. I love how your life goal is something intangible but so real and important. I've enjoyed reading your blog.
I totally agree that everything seems urgent and potentially life-impacting. I can't just live so free because my choices impact my family. Thanks for the comment and stopping by!
Carrington,
You are beautiful inside and out!
Ahhh...yes. I totally relate to what you wrote. I always thought (and was told) I was quite mature for my age. I thought I knew what I wanted and went for it. Over the last year or two I have really realized that I don't have it all figured out and that God is definitely not finished with me. I guess I thought that once I "Grew" up, that I wouldn't ever change. Boy! Was I wrong. I feel as though the closer I get to the Lord, the more I change and feel like I am constantly being molded. I also got married very young. I had just turned 20 yrs old. A lot of people told me not to marry Hubbie. Not because he was a bad person. People just didn't think he was "my type". I don't regret getting married to him...just that young. I didn't know very much and am amazed at how I thought I knew myself and how I had life figured out. Boy! I was so wrong! I guess I had children semi young. Bubbie was born right before I turned 23 yrs old. Again, wonderful post and its so nice to have someone out there that I feel explains life so well!
Of course I know how you feel, and I'd like to know when this "searching for me" thing is over? Turning 30 was a big deal for me, and I blogged about how I feel more me than ever before. As my hobby and passion turns more into a career, my identity continues to evolve. I feel like staying true to the fact that only God really creates my identity, the other stuff just flows into place.
And in case you wanted my unsolicited opinion...
"you" are feminine, slick/simple, and modern. :)
I'm almost out of my twenties and I can honestly say that they didn't suck. I however didn't really find my true self until this past year at the ripe age of 29, so if you're thinking about it now, you'll have a huge advantage over the others your age:) I think you're great, and I can only imagine how much greater you will become!
Love you!