Intention

I was bouncing up and down, up and down on the exercise ball to get Capri to sleep. I was bored, and frustrated in that moment. There were SO many things I would rather be doing right now. It's so easy for me to become bored and frustrated with all the daily things that MUST get done (like putting baby to sleep multiple times a day).
However, in this moment I decided to talk to God. I confessed my frustrations, surrendered and promised Him I would be quiet, quiet and listen. What did he want to teach me? I waited, I bounced, I listened. I started thinking about intention. Was it possible to live with clear intention in EVERY moment? Every step I took, every thing I did, even every THOUGHT I thought, was of my own choice, my own decision.
I've learned that the sub-conscious mind is very powerful, and most of us, don't actually decide to do about 95% of the stuff we do all day long. We are in this fog, daze, robot mode. We live our lives controlled by belief systems (negative and positive) and habits. If we have an intentional thought it is to "escape". This is why there is so much talk about being "present" in the moment.
I don't know about you guys, but being present is sometimes scary for me. The silence, and rawness that can come from a present moment is a little overwhelming. I find myself thinking about what I *should* be feeling, or thinking or praying. Can you relate to that? If you asked me if I was the kind of person that enjoyed being alone, I would have always answered "yes", but the older I get, the less that is true. Having a little baby I find myself longing for those moments, only to sit there wishing she would wake up so I didn't have to be alone. And don't confuse what I am saying... I am not talking about the depressive, I.want.to.run.away kind of feeling. I'm talking about those moments where life is so REAL so alive, and you are so actively engaged in that moment that the power of it can seem overwhelming.

I believe that this is where God lives. In the present state. He taught me, while I was bouncing on that ball to think about the things that move me closer to Him, and closer to the things that create a happy, healthy, successful, giving, growing me, and CHOOSE to do those things. He taught me to think about the thoughts HE wants me to think about and learn, and meditate on those things. I confessed, and realized that I was already actually meditating on things, they just weren't from him. They went something like this....I'm so tired, exhausted, what will I eat? When am I off work? When will this baby sleep? Ugh, will we ever have more money? I feel ugly today, no ones cares, I'm not worth it, I'm not good enough, what do I look like? I feel so bad today....
They are all the most brief of moments that I don't even catch how negative they are until I reflect on my day, and I see that my thoughts, ended up creating my actions, which ended up being NOTHING that I actually really wanted to do that day.
I learned, that my life could be SO much more powerful if I chose to engage in every moment. To listen to God speaking to me, to listen to what others had to say, and to meditate, read, and allow things into my mind that focused me on the things I really wanted. I want to be the one that decides what each moment of my day will look like. I want it to look like one that is completely surrendered.
So, I ask you guys. How much more powerful can your lives be if you lived in every moment? If you were the one that decided and were intentional about your actions? Instead of the negative belief systems that control us each moment.
Because sometimes, just bouncing on a ball, putting a baby to sleep can turn into a profound moment where God speaks to you a really BIG truth.